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Overconfidence: Interview Enemy#1!

Jun 11th, 2010 by Dilip Saraf

Recently, I wrote a blog about the pitfalls of overselling yourself in an interview. In that discussion I laid out some suggestions on how to guard against overselling yourself and getting rejected or being set-up for failure.

This blog is about overconfidence, one symptom of which can be a temptation to oversell, but also where you have an inflated sense of your abilities to manage a situation. A certain amount of swagger is good when you are selling yourself, but when done out of complacency, a sense of superiority, or ignorance, it is tantamount to overconfidence!

This is a sure way of turning others off about your ability to sell yourself and to work with them! What works, instead, is understated competence, fortified by your leadership stories carefully delivered to resonate with the interviewer’s pain or their desire to conquer their vision! If you are able to provide a narrative of your leadership accomplishments that showcase your competence then what shines through is your ability to reach the heart of the interviewer through their head. An air of overconfidence, on the other hand, can raise doubts about the interviewer’s willingness to give you the benefit of the doubt! If your record speaks for itself then do not amp it up by embellishing it or by disparaging the pain that is expressed by the interviewer.

Overconfidence can be apparent through a variety of behaviors during an interview: petulance as displayed by a know-it-all attitude or by insolence through speech; finishing the sentences of the interviewer; interruption; assuming what the interviewer is going to ask; etc. Although many of these behaviors could be a sign of insecurity, anxiety, or eagerness to please, their impact on the interviewer is quite the opposite.

What are some of the manifest behaviors when one is overconfident (real or ersatz)? Here are some sample responses (most of the Qs below are from an interviewer):

Q: Tell me about yourself.

A: What specifically do you want to know? I have already given you my résumé!

Here the appropriate response is, I am an experienced project manager, who always delivers her commitments on time and delights the customer. Try not to respond to a question with another question, especially when the icebreaker is thrown at you. Unless you want some clarification, try answering the original question.

Q: What is your current salary?

A: “That is confidential!” Or if you are unemployed, “Zero!”

Here it is best if you decide where in the interview this question is being asked. If asked very early it is best to give a range for your salary and if they further press you for the salary you are looking for, it is best to say that until the job is fully defined it would be hard for you to place a number that shows your expected salary.

Q: The job entails doing the following: Here the interviewer gives their take on what the job really entails (beyond what is described in the job description)

A: That really does not interest me. I worked at that level over 10 years ago!

Here the appropriate response is to dig deeper and see what the real job is. If you are in front of a hiring manager (or recruiter) chances are good that they have calibrated your value from how you have presented yourself to match the job at hand. This is why packaging your résumé correctly is important. The best strategy is to decline the offer if the final job turns out be a menial job, but only after going through the process.

Q: The job entails (whatever the interviewer says). Does this interest you?

A: What else do you have? Or if I do this who is going to do that (whatever that is)?

Here the appropriate response is to understand fully how the job needs to be done and how you could add even greater value by what you bring to the job. Let the interviewer salivate over your enthusiasm to do the job at hand. You can then turn it down when the offer is made or re-negotiate the level at which the job needs to be done.

Q: A car is going at 500 MPH. What is its speed in Kilometers per hour?

A: No car goes that fast!

The appropriate response is: 800 KPH! Just answer the question. Do not make a fool out of the interviewer.

It is difficult to generalize this overconfidence malaise, but the above vignettes provide some insight. It is best to relax, be yourself, and authentically lay out your leadership plan to do a great job in the open position. Even though your anxiety and eagerness to please during the interview may be temporary, the interviewer does not know that. So, be yourself; always!

Good luck!

Posted in Career Repositioning, Career Tips, Interview Skills, Job Search, career growth | 1 Comment »

It’s a Beautiful Day, But…..!

Jun 6th, 2010 by Dilip Saraf

A blind boy sat on the steps of a building with a hat by his feet. He held up a sign, which said: “I am blind, please help.” There were only a few coins in the hat.

A man was walking by. He took a few coins from his pocket and dropped them into the hat. He then took the sign, turned it around, and wrote some words. He put the sign back so that everyone who walked by would see the new words.

Soon the hat began to fill up. A lot more people were giving money to the blind boy.

That afternoon the man who had changed the sign came to see how things were. The boy recognized his footsteps and asked, “Were you the one who changed my sign this morning? What did you write?

The man said, “I only wrote the truth. I said what you said but in a different way.” I wrote: “Today is a beautiful day but I cannot see it.”

Both signs told people that the boy was blind. But the first sign simply and factually said that the sign’s holder was blind. The second sign told people that they were so lucky not to be blind.

Should we be surprised that the second sign was more effective?

The reason that it was effective and got different results because that change in message moved passers-by to act from their hearts and not from their brains. Facts merely appeal to the brain as to their veracity. Most decisions come from the heart!

Moral:

Be creative. Be innovative. Think differently and positively. Appeal to people’s hearts through their minds!

As a career coach I see the same mindset that professionals carry when they create their marketing message. It is steeped in factual data about their accomplishments and about how great they are at what they do. What they fail to see is how what they are stating as facts affects the reader, a decision maker, in how they respond to their message.

In the above story the change in the direction of the message, from “me” to “you,” made all the difference in the outcome. Not only that, it made passers-by even feel good about their generosity!

The same is true about any message you create about yourself that you want to result in some benefit to you. To achieve that goal you must first see the benefit others get from what you are offering. So, in the case of your résumé if you move the message from “me centric” to “reader centric” by finding their pain and then their gain by their engaging you, you will have a response very similar to what that blind boy experienced at the end of that fateful day!

Enjoy this beautiful day!

Posted in Career Repositioning, Career Tips, Enterpreneurship, Interview Skills, Job Search, Resume, Resume Writing, career growth | 1 Comment »

The Pitfalls of Overselling Yourself in an Interview!

May 23rd, 2010 by Dilip Saraf

The tendency to oversell is common in any situation that requires one to put a stake in the ground about their own value as they wish to project it. In today’s zeitgeist this is a given: TV commercials, politicians, media; they all make their living by sensationalizing a given situation and by making themselves a hero for a moment. This temptation is perhaps the greatest when you are in a job interview and you really need that job.  Even when you do not need that job, because you already have one, the ego takes over and drives you to at least explore if you could land that offer and then negotiate it or even decline it!

There are two forces at play here: One, of course, is your own assessment of your capabilities that apply to the challenges at hand, as they appear to you during the interview; the other is lack of full knowledge of the factors that define the situation where you have to deliver on that promise!

As someone so aptly said, Confidence is what you have when you really do not understand a situation! In an attempt to impress the interviewer and to move it to the next stage towards its conclusion, one is tempted to oversell their abilities. This often stems from oversimplification of what is presented and an anxiety to come across as a quick thinker! The outcome of this stance can be one of two possibilities: The interviewer spots your overreach and does not move to making you an offer; or, worse, they believe you and offer you the job! In the latter case you probably will end up looking for yet another job before your first year at the new job is over!

So, how does one avoid the temptation to oversell in an interview? Here are some suggestions:

  1. Research not just the company you are going after for that job, but also find out something about the hiring manager and the open position. Why is that position open will shed much light on what is expected of you: If the incumbent was let go, what was the reason; if this is a new opening, what is expected of someone new in that position, etc.
  2. During the presentation of your accomplishments make sure that you communicate the entire context of your accomplishments, not just the juicy parts. If an accomplishment is truly stellar, tamp it down by saying that many chipped in at helping you and admit to the luck factor. That shows humility, not hubris.
  3. Ask what the challenge is in the area where they want your expertise. Ask also what the driving and constraining factors are. Often, political factors create such headwinds for any change initiative that it is very difficult to get organizational support to further one’s agenda. Often, too, these factors do not fully manifest until after you are ensconced in the new job; too late to do anything about what you committed to in the interview!
  4. Ask the interviewer what they see as some of the factors that will militate against the success of the initiative and what can be done to deal with them.
  5. Explore what would happen if the initiative failed to take root and got delayed or downright failed. This will force the interviewer to share with you some of the apprehensions they have about its success. You can then make an intelligent decision about how to proceed.
  6. Ask the interviewer about the key success factors that would make the initiative take root in the organization. Their answer will tell you much about what aspects of your skill set will play a major part in that success. If those factors are not your strong suits then you are likely being set up for failure.
  7. Tactfully, ask the interviewer about factors that they have NOT told you about in this discussion. This will put them on notice and force them to divulge things that they may not otherwise.
  8. If the discussion goes far enough in the interview, see if you can manage the expectations so that you come across as someone who under promises and over delivers; always a safe bet. This is a good position for you, especially at the start of a new job.
  9. If you take the job, sniff out all the factors that will drive the success of that initiative and present a plan of action (PoA) to your manager within the first 90 days with your realistic assessment and contingencies. More than anything else, if this is a solid plan, you may not get that ax if the plan does not succeed when your first-year review comes due! Because, now you manager had signed-off on your plan.

10. Good luck!

Posted in Career Repositioning, Career Tips, Interview Skills, Job Search, career growth | 1 Comment »

Strategic Job Search: Two Case Studies!

May 22nd, 2010 by Dilip Saraf

Despite my exhortations to re-invent and to land a better, more promising job as their next chapter in their career, many clients who come to me for help expect to land a job similar to the one they currently have or just had. Despite the fact that there are many exciting and promising (not dead-end) jobs that they could pursue and despite the fact that with competent help and diligent efforts they could conquer these jobs, it is rare that someone takes this re-invention challenge seriously and lands a job, despite a tough job market. By everyday measures, this would be a tour de force!

These two case studies will inspire you to do what Sally and Jim did to get what they wanted, even though the chances might have appeared dim from the get-go:

On the day she walked into my office a few months back, if someone were to look at her resume they would have concluded quickly that Sally stood no chance of getting into the fast-paced world of consumer web. Anyone would have dismissed her in getting to where she wanted go. But, despite all odds, Sally persevered. Here’s her story:

Sally is 50 and had spent most of her career doing various jobs (a general factotum!), which included working for a city government in its IT department; at a major retail chain as a wardrobe consultant; at an enterprise software company, cleaning up some databases left over from a recently-abandoned venture. She had also started her catering business many years back that closed in a downturn. Sally was out of work, but was willing to wait to get what she wanted!

In late 2009 Sally decided to enter a well-positioned consumer-web company. With zero experience in this highly competitive industry dominated by Gen-Yers (30-year olds), anyone would have predicted her near-zero chance of landing a job in this yeasty field. Undaunted, Sally systematically identified many companies that interested her. From that list she focused on one, which was in the social gaming business and was exploding because of its success in the marketplace. In fact, it was the number-one company for the past few years and surging ahead of its competitors, at an exploding pace!

Sally wanted to get a well-positioned, customer-facing job in this company. After realizing that she had no experience in the social-media, electronic gaming, and in the consumer-web space, she proceeded to find out on which non-profits the company’s top executives served. After identifying one prominent non-profit, which had two of the gaming company’s principals serving on its Board, she decided to volunteer at this non-profit and quickly insinuated herself into its insider circle through hard work, charm, and persistence.

Next, Sally was successful in taking charge of a job that dealt with the social media for this organization. With no previous experience she quickly learned how to get the organization’s information on Facebook, Twitter, and other sites. She also started regularly blogging for this organization, where her blog was picked up by other syndicated bloggers. She also feverishly learned how to play the new and popular games that the company routinely churned out and got familiar with them to speak with some knowledge as she was getting the non-profit the much-needed exposure through the social media.  Within just four months Sally was now able to drive the organization’s public face through her volunteer work and simultaneously learn all there was to learn about the social media’s power and about how the gaming company’s new games were being touted on these media. Within just months she was not only an expert in handling social media, but also had worked some impressive bullets on her resume to boot!

When the right job opened up at the gaming company for Sally, she prepared her resume with all the language that was now aligned with the job’s requirements and approached the non-profit’s pooh-bah with a request to introduce her to the gaming company’s CEO, who served on the organization’s Board. The non-profit’s Executive Director wrote a glowing letter of introduction, recognizing Sally’s work at the organization, which impressed the gaming company’s CEO. He then passed down that letter with Sally’s new resume to the hiring manager, who had the opening. Sally has already passed the telephone interviews and is being invited to do a series of in-person interviews with the hiring manger and others this week. I expect Sally to ace these interviews and to get what she is striving for.

The second case involves Jim, who was a software development manager at a financial services company. Despite his stellar record and his MBA he was not able to pursue the Product Management positions in his own company. Each time during the past two years someone took the open positions from the inside with relevant experience or someone from the outside in the financial services space. Tough job market made this hard for Jim!

So, Jim decided to look for a Product Management role at an outside company in that space, where a new product was emerging and where his deep development and customer-facing experience would trump his lack of product management experience. Jim re-did his resume to showcase the right experience that headlined how he would deal with the typical challenges that product managers face with a nascent product.

Jim was successful in getting an interview after finding one such company in the right stage of its product evolution. He agreed to be hired as a contract product manager to get the product launched and marketed. Within less than a year Jim was able to leverage his product development and customer-facing experience to launch the company’s brand-new product with much success and media coverage. This gave him the language, missing from his resume to claim a Product Manager job at his previous company.

When Jim’s previous company posted yet another opening for a Product Manager position, this time Jim was fully prepared to compete with all other contestants for that job, despite a tough job market. After a few rounds of interviews Jim was selected and offered the job at a higher level than when he left the company a year ago because of his stellar success launching a new product as a Product Manager (albeit as a contractor). If Jim had been transferred from within his own company previously, this would not have been achievable; most companies only transfer qualified internal employees at the same level, without giving them a promotion!

Jim starts his new job in two weeks!

By: Dilip G Saraf, Career & Life Coach, Career Transitions Unlimited (www.diliparaf.com)

Posted in Career Repositioning, Career Tips, Job Search, career growth | No Comments »

Career-Coaching Life Cycle: Managing the 7 Points of Inflection in a Career!

May 20th, 2010 by Dilip Saraf

As a career coach I work with clients in ages from 12 to 75. The younger side of this spectrum comes from high school (or soon to be) and the older, from those who have entered retirement and have now realized that dreaming about retirement was far more fun that being in it. During my nearly eight years in this space I have worked with about 4,500 clients globally. They come in all age groups, ethnicity, geography, and specialty. Regardless of their location and gender they all face the same career challenges in their lives. So, in this article I’ve codified their needs for career guidance and made an attempt to present the career needs at different junctures throughout a person’s life. To me, this need is tantamount to a career-coaching life cycle, if “career coaching” itself were to be a product. Those in product management used to managing the life cycle of their products will be able to relate to this metaphor!

There are seven junctures in one’s life when one needs career guidance. I call them points of inflection. In geometry, a point of inflection is where a curve changes its slope. To manage the direction of the “slope,” one must know some basics of what constitutes that particular point in one’s life and what interventions are needed to drive the slope at that point of inflection in the right direction. Here are those seven stages:

  1. In high-school when you are about 16, before deciding what career to follow,
  2. In college in your senior year or right after graduation: what job to take,
  3. After getting into your job, understanding how a career path can be mapped,
  4. When feeling stuck as an individual contributor, waiting for that manager promotion,
  5. Not being able to crack that glass ceiling to get into the executive ranks,
  6. When getting into a venture or when getting back into the job market when it does not pan out, and, finally,
  7. After retirement, not knowing how to apply all that wisdom purposefully

Each stage represents a different mind-set and requires asking the right questions to get the most insight from available answers.  Although the sequence in which these stages are presented is chronological as one’s life evolves, #6 stage can come at any time in their life.  In this list above, its position is arbitrary.

This blog presents an overview of the entire career-coaching life cycle; the details of each stage will be published in future blogs. A brief description of the need at each stage is presented here:

  1. High-school stage: Here what the students need is some guidance on what career path they should follow. Career counseling (not career coaching) would be a better start at this stage, with students going through rigorous assessments and a reading on what career choices (major subjects) will suit them best based on their proclivities. A career coach can further reinforce that insight by showing some avenues for accelerating their growth in that direction and showing some alternatives to get their needs addressed based on the parameters that define their own situation (financial needs, proximity, other needs).
  2. Final College year: Here students are poised for the real world, but they are not prepared for it. Few colleges prepare students on the realities of a professional career. How to get ready for the job market, how to apply, what works and what does not and so on. A skilled career coach can be of great help in disabusing many notions that students carry in their minds, mostly stemming from “unconscious incompetence.”
  3. First Job: Going from college into your first job is the biggest transition one makes in a professional life. For starters, a job is about teamwork, not the solitary brain work that one gets so used to doing just to ace a test; College work is about leveraging your high IQ and getting top grades; your job is about integrating the five Qs (IQ, EQ, PQ, CQ, and XQ) to get everyone working with you to deliver the results. Nearly 25% of the first-year employees quit their jobs because deep disconnects of expectations. Getting competent coaching before a crisis hits can work wonders by working with a career coach to mitigate all of these missteps.
  4. Individual Contributor: The first 3-5 years is the best time when one must master their craft, whatever it is! Then comes the point of getting to the next level: manager. This is yet another big transition that most do not understand. Nearly 60% of the first-level managers fail in their roles, despite being stellar Individual Contributors. Many fail to understand the orthogonal relationships between the two functions. Many also feel stuck after doing an MBA when they have realized that being an individual contributor does not always get them a good management job. Some of these professionals can leverage the advice of their career coach both before and after their MBA.
  5. Glass Ceiling: Going past the manager/director-level jobs into the executive cadre often requires breaking the glass ceiling. There are specific interventions required to overcome this barrier and a career coach who has “been there done that,” can be a great resource circumventing many avoidable pitfalls.
  6. Your-Own Venture: The desire to be an entrepreneur can strike any time in one’s life; sometimes even at multiple times at different stages in their life. Regardless, many would-be entrepreneurs overestimate the power of their idea and underestimate what it takes to execute that idea to get that big payoff. A career coach, who has worked with entrepreneurs, can be invaluable in saving time, money, and grief.
  7. Retired?: Active retirees quickly find out that retirement is not what it was dreamed when they were working. Many retire at 65 and have at least another 20 years’ or more soles left on their shoes. Here they can use good insights on how to best use their wisdom and apply it in productive ways to make their golden years truly count. A career coach can be a good investment at this point.

Trial and error in managing a career is a waste. A good, experienced career coach can be an invaluable resource when conflicting advice from your friends, relatives, and your parents confuses you. In fact, that is one of the worst ways to get good guidance!

Posted in Advice to Parents, Career Tips, Enterpreneurship, Job Search, Mentoring, career growth | No Comments »

Getting Ready for College and for Your Adult Life!

May 10th, 2010 by Dilip Saraf

Yesterday, I was involved in organizing an event to help college-bound high-school students and their parents to help them better understand the college applications and selection process. This event involved presentations by an expert who was involved in the actual Ivy-league-college admissions process; parents, who saw their children get into the colleges of their choice; and who had just graduated and started a new job.

Throughout the session there were some intense questions, both from parents and students, who came to attend this forum. I am compelled to write this blog to disabuse the notion of the importance of a particular college or university you attend and the degree you get to start your professional life. I am summarizing my learning from this event for those who want to rethink this whole process and its importance in your (and your child’s) life:

  1. There are over 3,500 institutions of higher learning in the U.S. Most attendees in our forum were talking about attending the named universities and colleges: Stanford, MIT, Princeton, Brown, and others.
  2. Getting your child in a top school gives the parents bragging rights. The actual adult success of those attending these expensive and highfalutin schools is questionable. If you look at the value these expensive colleges provide compared to the lesser-known good schools, it is worth a pause and some reflection. Also, it is much easier to get into such schools.
  3. Each school has its own admissions criteria. It is best to know what that is through research and see if the values align in how your application will stack up in the submissions cataract. One of the great differentiators is your essay. Make sure that this captures your personal narrative and has soul to it. Do not merely look up information on Wikipedia and write something.
  4. Grades matter in high school. In addition to improving your ranking, they provide you the discipline of committing to a purpose. They also help you provide some choices in your college selection. So, work hard to achieve good grades, but also focus on other activities to create a good balance in your development and growth. In college grades matter less. What matters is how you develop your personality and what you learn. Learning has little to do with good grades.
  5. The half-life of the learning for someone with an undergraduate degree is about five years, for someone with a master’s degree is three, and for someone with a PhD, even less. What does that mean? This implies that learning how to learn is much more important that what you learn! So, knowledge and your perspective are more important than your grades in college
  6. Studies have repeatedly shown that the correlation between IQ and grades is over 95%, but high IQ and adult success correlate only about 20%! Other Qs matter much more in adult life: EQ, PQ, CQ, and XQ (Emotional, Political, Cultural, and Contextual intelligences respectively). Only IQ is innate; the others are learned skills. Now you know where the 20% correlation comes from!
  7. After getting your degree what matters more than your grades is where you did your internships and what relationships you developed. The internships often result in full-time jobs and careers that define much of the initial adult success.
  8. Developing mastery in one area in the first phase of your career is critical. In his book, Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell mentions spending 10,000 hours to master whatever it is that you choose to conquer. This mastery will serve you for the rest of your life, even if you do not stay in that area after you mastered it!
  9. Parents, do not force your kids to vicariously pursue the life that you missed out on! Let them pick their passion and support them the best way you can, without forcing your opinion on them. Some do not know what their passion is until much later in life and there is nothing wrong with that.
  10. Do not compare where you are in your life with your other “friends.” Life has unique lessons planned for each of us and there is no point in comparing where you are with others around you. Each must seek their own dream, pursuing their own path, and achieve it!

Good luck!

Posted in Advice to Parents, Career Tips, career growth | No Comments »

The Power of Authentic Communication!

May 2nd, 2010 by Dilip Saraf

I speak the truth not so much as I would, but as much as I dare, and I dare a little more as I grow older. -Michel de Montaigne, essayist (1533-1592)

There are several ways we normally communicate: by speaking, through our writings, and how we project our overall message including our body language. Sometimes, we do not need to say a word, yet our body radiates volumes of what we are really thinking.

I was reminded of this when struck by one single picture of Prince Charles and Princess Dianna during their India visit, where a photographer captured them from their back, standing together watching a parade in their honor. They were standing about a foot apart from each other, but their body language, through a photo taken even from the back, was radiating a single message: we can’t stand each other; we are splitting up. It really did not matter even if at the same instant their frontal shot had shown them beaming, enjoying that parade. Soon thereafter they split up!

Although we make great efforts to focus on one particular channel of our message delivery, by our speech, we do not normally pay enough attention to other parts that collectively project the overall message that, at worst, unmistakably communicates our real intent or at best it leaves the other person confused.

The key aspect of communicating a cogent and coherent message is our authenticity; if we are authentic in our message then all aspects of what we communicate are in synch and they ally with us to project a singularly unified message that can either serve us or deny us what we are seeking. A good example of this is when you watch a baby throw a tantrum. Every part of the their body is communicating that they are unhappy and that they want something badly; the cry, the face, the tears, the flailing of limbs, the stiffness! The same holds true when that baby is happy again, when every pore of the body is now oozing out happiness. That is the power of authentic communication!

Authentic communication is critical in business–especially during job interviews, where we are constantly attempting to adjust our message to make sure that the interviewer is in agreement with what we communicate and we are communicating what the interviewer is expecting! In an attempt to conquer what we are seeking we focus on what we want more than what we are, or who we are. In the process we betray our authenticity and vitiate our efforts to get what we want.

Authentic communication requires congruence of visual, aural, and verbal faculties. Physical vocabulary–our body language–plays a major part in this, but overall, we must manage all our faculties so that they project an authentic signal to those who matter in that interchange. If we are truly authentic, we do not need to manage anything, but be ourselves. Sometimes, this is not easy to do when there is some conflict in being completely authentic.

So, what is the best way to show your authentic self without compromising your ability to be true. Here is my prescription:

  1. Do not focus on what you want to say, but focus more on how the interviewer is going to interpret what you say. So, instead of saying I am leaving my current job because I cannot stand my new boss, it is better to say, In our current organization there is little opportunity for my growth, so I am looking for a change.
  2. Use words carefully because they often betray your state of mind or intent. So, instead of saying I had to compromise my need to get involved in new designs with the department’s need to do maintenance work, it is better to say, I decided that I needed to balance my creative urge with the need to keep the current products supported well.
  3. Before responding to a question, pause, think, smile, and then carefully deliver a measured response. Congruity is important in each response, where the verbal, aural, and the physical vocabulary match to create an authentic signal. Actors get good at this by understanding the character they are playing. Without suggesting that you should ham it up during your interview session I’d suggest that finding a good balance between what you can live with against what is going to be trouble for you later on when you get that job. No matter how badly you want that job, remember, you are also interviewing them for the same reason–mutual selection.
  4. Do a congruency check by video taping your interview and by watching how you come across to yourself. Normally, we are our worst critics.
  5. Whenever possible learn from the interviews or encounters, where you did not get what you went there to sell. This is how you build your authenticity platform.

Good luck!

Posted in Career Tips, Interview Skills, Job Search, career growth | No Comments »

Stamping out the “F” Word!

Apr 23rd, 2010 by Dilip Saraf

Recently, when the long-drawn-out Health Care Bill was finally passed and was in front of President Barack Obama for signature, the biggest news was not about the new law, but was about the “F” bomb that Vice President Joe Biden dropped by whispering in the President’s ear!

This article is about another “F” word that I deal with almost daily in my coaching practice: Failure! In my Client Intake Questionnaire one of the questions is, What would you attempt to do if you knew that you would not fail.

I purposely designed this question to elicit from my clients before we engage what dreams they hold that they would like to fulfill in this lifetime and what coaching help they could use to get there. Here, I am expecting some lofty responses such as, I would like to change the way the world looks at poverty and eradicate it; I would change the way people look at race and bring equality, etc. But, because a large percentage of my client pool is technology based most of the responses tend to be grounded in technology. For example someone might respond by saying, I’d devise a single chip that does…., etc.

I think that the problem here is not of not having big enough imagination or ambition to state your lofty dream, but it is that of the fear of failure from not having accomplished that dream. This is a real tragedy! What I find in my coaching practice is how consistently and how deeply most clients discount themselves: their potential, their abilities, and what they can achieve if they just set their mind to it.

The reality is that those who clearly state their lofty ambitions and diligently work on their agreed plans, start heading in the direction of their goal a lot faster than they ever imagined. Some are even pleasantly surprised by how it all came together for them once they surrendered themselves to their vision and committed to it.

So, what is the secret to achieving what you truly wish to attain? Well, here are my observations about the pattern I see in why certain clients “succeed:”

  1. Your dream or vision must be grounded in true purpose and not in some dehydrated and ersatz yardstick that you think is important to others: Wealth, fame, power, adoration, etc. By focusing in what others view as important you become their proxy and you focus on those goals as important. Often, these outcomes are the by-products of achieving your juicy dream and are not their intended outcome.
  2. Decide for yourself what you want to do and what you want to BE. Now you have chosen your own path and not someone else’s. Once you are on that Path your life begins to have a greater purpose. Once you are driven by your purpose some mysterious forces begin to create tailwinds for you to help you move forward in ways that you cannot, if you do not have this alignment of purpose.
  3. Shift your focus from “Success” to “Achievement.” Success often has Failure as its opposite and that can scare many from even trying. But, focusing on achievement, instead, is empowering. So, for an entrepreneur their achievement could be that they started a new venture that they always wanted to start. “Success” in the context of our societal norms depends on so many uncontrolled and uncontrollable parameters that if things do not line-up the outcome should not be held hostage to your trying out your dream.
  4. Focus on the learning more than on the outcome. When people succeed in whatever it is that they undertake it is difficult to identify exactly what caused them to be successful. But, when they do not succeed in achieving their goals, the lessons learned are invaluable. Fail early, fail often, and fail big for really big lessons and quickly!
  5. Take advice from others but do not let them be your proxy in how you drive yourself. Hear them out but finally listen to your own self. Trust your instincts and believe in yourself.
  6. Avoid copying what worked for someone else. If there is a template that works use that template, but do not blindly copy someone to duplicate their success.
  7. Replace the “F” word with the “L” word. So, no matter what the outcome is you have always Learned something.
  8. Stay connected with positive risk takers who methodically—not recklessly—deal with risks and conquer them. Also, hold positive thoughts about what you are doing and how this is going to turn out. Once you program your mind to stamp out any negative thoughts you would be surprised by how much clarity you create in moving forward to achieve what you set out to achieve.
  9. Remember that there are many famous people who died broke: Charles Goodyear, Samuel Johnson, Leonardo da Vinci. So, what are you afraid of?
  10. Now, go and write to Joe Biden that there is yet another “F” word that he should avoid in his lexicon. Also, go after your dream and make it come to life!

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Preserving the Sanctity of Your Commitments!

Apr 18th, 2010 by Dilip Saraf

I often hear my clients complaining about how people do not keep their word and how frustrating it is to be in suspense. This is especially true if they are waiting to hear from the recruiter with a potential employer that just put them through a grueling round of interviews and who smilingly promised, Looking real good here, we’ll get back to you latest by tomorrow! After the nail-biting two weeks and repeated, futile attempts to contact the recruiter, the client grudgingly moves on, crestfallen and defeated.

Crestfallen because despite the very positive interviews and palpable excitement about the client’s joining the hiring team, they have received a tacit, indecorous rejection. Defeated because the client gets no clue what really happened, despite being a shoo-in for the position and the enthusiastic exchanges in the interview such as how soon could they start, etc!

The problem of people not keeping their commitments is much broader and deeper than just when important matters such as employment are at issue. This is perhaps so because those making these commitments do not fully appreciate their sanctity. I think that most people mistakenly differentiate between “commitments” and casually made or implied statements; such as, I’ll call you tomorrow, or even simply acknowledging an important email message, let alone responding to it!

I think that the reason for this attitude is two-fold: For one, those making such promises make them without forethought and without really meaning them, but to merely finding some way to get past the moment. They perhaps feel also that they are caught in an awkward moment and unthinkingly blurt something out that you would forget as soon you depart.  The fallacy in this assumption is that they have no idea how you view this; to you this could be very important! They further rationalize it by assuming that you must also treat your commitments the same way as they themselves do, making this all a quid pro quo of sorts, thus perpetuating this pernicious social malady.

Both these assumptions are specious and do not address the root cause of this societal ill. The root cause of why people do not keep their promises or commitment is, first, they do not consider something orally mentioned in a casual exchange will rise to the sanctity of calling it a commitment.  They rationalize their thinking by convincing themselves that unless it is in writing with witnesses swearing to the facts, it is really not a binding commitment. Secondly, they rationalize, if they change their mind or something else, unforeseen, suddenly comes up, it absolves them from having any obligation to keep the original commitment. In such a case they see no obligation to convey the changed circumstances to the person waiting for them. This mindset also largely stems from one’s cultural heritage. Certain cultures tend to be quite casual about such things. This can even include things such as nonchalantly waltzing quite late for an important dinner, keeping everyone hungry and wondering, nearly ruining the meal!

Both these premises are misguided. A commitment, in my view, is any statement you make, casually or not, to another person about your obligation to do something. It also includes your implied role in fulfilling your obligation such as timely responses to your emails and messages. Once made, commitments must be treated as almost sacred; only violable by mutual agreement and by new ones that replace them. Another factor in this transaction is that both parties have an obligation to ensure that they have done all that they can to ensure that commitments are understood and honored. What this means is that both parties share responsibilities in fulfilling this obligation. This may include escalated follow-ups or whatever else that works.

So, here is my prescription on how to deal with commitments and how to keep them. My expectation, too, is that regardless of how many people renege on their “commitments” to you, you must honor yours just to develop your civic obligation to this process. My hope is that eventually everyone would take their commitments seriously and all will be well:

  1. Treat every statement that obligates you as a promise to the other person. So, if you are not sure that you can deliver on that promise, no matter how trivial, do not make any misleading statements. Be honest and forthright, right up-front.
  2. If after making a commitment you changed your mind, let the other person know immediately and why.
  3. The other person who is expecting you to honor your commitment now has the obligation of holding you accountable. They do that by following up with you in some way that reinforces, or negates, the original commitment
  4. I think that there should be some reward system for those who honor their commitments diligently without regard to their gravity. Thus, to me, let’s meet for lunch later this week or coming to a meeting on time, is as serious a commitment as saying, I’ll take care of your sick mother when you’re on vacation next month!
  5. Keeping commitment builds character. So, here is your chance to avail yourself of a “free” opportunity to build your character and get honored by those to whom such things matter!
  6. Keeping your own commitments to yourself is also a part of this same discipline: If you got yourself on an exercise plan then you must stay on it even if you have a perfect alibi for not doing it one day!
  7. If you are fainthearted and likely to surrender to your most wayward passions in keeping your own promises to yourself, announce your intentions publically and ask a friend to hold you accountable.
  8. Keep a list of commitments made and audit them every week to see what is still pending. This list should include both professional and personal commitments you make. The professional commitments you honor can translate into your career success. In my own case, for emails, for example, I flag the ones that need a follow-up and then scroll through them when I am able to steal some time during my day.
  9. Remind people of missed commitments and ask them to remind you without holding a grudge. This will increase your awareness of keeping commitments.
  10. Try taking your commitments seriously and following this prescription. If you do not feel good for having done this, write a rebuttal blog; I’d welcome it!

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The Role of Business Communication in Your Career!

Apr 3rd, 2010 by Dilip Saraf

A client, who recently got her MBA after being in the technology space for nearly a decade decided to look for opportunities inside her own company to break into the business world. So, she sent an email to a high-level executive in another business area, seeking an informational interview. She was taken aback when he shot back an email in response, communicating that he would not see her merely on the basis of how poorly that request was written!

My client was mortified! So, she quickly contacted me to see why she deserved this unexpected wrath, as she was merely trying to offer her services to the executive’s growing organization! When I looked at the original email my client had sent, I was surprised by how indecorous it was: sloppy language, incomplete sentences, incoherency of thought–in short, a piece of execrable writing! If the executive had not taken that extra trouble to let my client learn the significance of well-written business communication, my client would never have known why she got such a “rude” response to such an earnest request!

We often overestimate our ability to communicate well. I think that the disconnect occurs because we are unable to understand the difference between what we are thinking and how our thinking translates into a verbal message that someone can understand the way want them to. We understand what we are thinking and we are writing our thoughts as we think them, so what is the problem?

Plenty! Good writing is hard. As someone once aptly said, A good writer is someone for whom writing is extremely difficult! Good writing looks easy, but to write something easy to understand the first time someone reads it is difficult enough; it is doubly hard when you want that someone to act in a way that serves you. So, what is the secret of good communication? Let us beak it down and see if we can conquer this domain, so critical to your career advancement:

  1. First and foremost, know your audience or recipient. That sets the tone of the communication. The medium, too, is another factor. A letter is a bit more formal than its emailed counterpart. For important messages treat an email as if it were a letter. Clearly, a message sent to a high-level executive must be coherent, cogent, articulate, and concise. They should be able to see the benefit in reading it even if you do not want them to do anything for you as a result of the message. Well-written prose is just fun to read!
  2. Choose a style that fits the motivation and the readers’ preference. Use appropriate language to show that you respect their station in life. Choose words carefully to convey the exact meaning you plan to communicate; avoid ambiguity!
  3. Make sure that there is logic to the structure of your message (coherence and cogency, again!). Do not jump around, but have a smooth flow to the message. Remember when we studied geometry proofs? How we organized our arguments and went to “QED?” Good writing is much like geometric proofs; it must be logical and must make sense to the reader. On top of that it needs soul; geometric proofs are dry and factual!
  4. Do not use scholarly words just to impress the reader. Make sure that the reader gets the message and not how smart you are. It is like a great commercial: you do not want to remember the commercial, but the product it is pitching, instead!
  5. For important messages, wait for a day, make sure that you read it the next day, and then show it to someone who is a good writer just to review what you wrote. Take their inputs seriously to revise the message before sending it. See their red-lines to learn what needs to change in your writing, do not merely take their changes without understanding the reasoning.
  6. If you are writing-challenged, take a course in composition or even in creative writing and learn to write better. Practice writing every day as if your life depends on it and see the improvement in your own writing.
  7. Read well-written passages and analyze them for their writing. Develop your own style that works for you.
  8. Take speaking lessons or join Toastmaster’s International. This will build your communication platform.
  9. Volunteer writing for others and see how they see your work. This will build your writing confidence.
  10. Work with someone who can help you craft your message and then learn how to do it yourself.

More than any other skill, good communication can help you progress much more with ease in your career than mere brain smarts!

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