The other day, an up-and-coming executive client was interested in getting into a growing company that has made a big name in the Valley and that had an open position that he was very interested in. I also had a senior executive at this company who has been my client and who was willing to help him navigate through the “entrance gate.” So, after I made the email introduction to them, I was hoping that the right things would transpire.

Well, they did not!

Without looking up the senior executive’s background, my client, who was in transition, sent him a short email asking him to look up both his LinkedIn Profile and the job that was open (of several) at his company, hoping to get a favorable response through this action. I was, of course, not aware of this and was quite surprised—and annoyed—when the senior executive suggested to me that my other client needed to be coached on how to handle such requests gracefully.

That got me thinking: How many times prospecting clients blow their introductions because they do not follow the most well-understood introduction etiquette, and not even know that they blew it; big time!

This etiquette requires that the person seeking a favor look up the contact and assess the tone in which he must handle the request, and all subsequent communication.  Showing proper respect and consideration, the supplicant must show enough care so that they ingratiate themselves with the contact to help them get what they are seeking, making them feel good for having done a beneficial deed. This is the social lubricant that keeps the moving parts moving without squeaks. Doing so reflects well on the person who made the initial introduction in the first place, too!

In this specific instance, my client in transition should have been graceful in his initial contact and should have shown adequate respect for the inside contact to get what he wanted. Such opportunities are often a gateway into your personality and in how you handle matters that deal with building and sustaining important relationships. Consistent with this behavior was that the client whom I introduced did not even send me note of thanks for making this introduction!  That is the last time I am going to introduce him to anyone else, unless he takes the coaching I gave him after this incident to heart!

So, those engaged in businesses that rely on introductions to other people to pursue their cause, please be mindful that, often, it is you that are making it easy for others to reject you!

“A positive attitude may not get what you want, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.”—Anonymous

When one is out of work, looking for a job becomes a full-time job in itself. The difference here is that you are working 24-7 and there is no end in sight. With each passing day the constant drumbeat of bad news, no matter where you turn, can exacerbate this feeling of doom in a spiraling economy. This feeling of growing hopelessness can spill into your mood that will follow you wherever you go; much like the perfume you wear. You can no longer smell it, but others can!

The inescapable feeling of doom can interfere with your own welfare. How?

When you are down about what is happening to you and to those around you, your brain releases chemicals that interfere with your clear thinking and puts you in a less-than optimum functioning state. You become more irritable, short tempered, and less capable of fully deploying your faculties. The anxiety around the uncertainty consumes you in ways that shows in how you come across to others (not your immediate family members and friends because they get used to seeing you this way, day-in and day-out).

This will not serve you in a well-orchestrated job search. So, what must you do? Here are some tips that work:

1. Have a daily routine and stick to it. Lack of structure (when you’re out of a job) can be a major cause of undisciplined activities that cause much wasted effort and it causes negative feelings
2. Exercise every day. Physical exercise at a set time each day for about half hour can help you stay in shape and the endorphins released in the process can detoxify your body of any “negative” chemicals stemming from your feeling down about your situation.
3. Stay in touch with positive people and stay AWAY from whiners. Find something positive each day in what happens to you and relish it. Being positive is a virtuous cycle and helps keep you in a positive spirit.
4. Consolidate all activities that require emotional stamina and a strong “immune system.” These activities are typically cold calling, following –up on sent responses, new introductions, and asking for referrals. If you spread these throughout your day then it is difficult to stay away from negative experiences inevitable form such encounters throughout the day, too. Conducting these activities in a single block of time, when you are at the peak of your energy and spirits it will help you cope with everything else, once you put this behind you.
5. Find out what lifts your spirits and energizes you and have “it” at least once a day or whenever you need it.
6. When something positive happens (an interview call) celebrate the victory and treat yourself (a walk, or a TV show, or whatever energizes you; just not sweets and eating!)
7. Write a recommendation or a note of appreciation to someone who has done you good. This is an empowering experience when you yourself feel powerless
8. Visualize the dream job you are pursuing and translate that visualization into actions that will take you there. The brain does not know the difference between the actual reality and the imagined one!
9. Stay away from influences that do not reaffirm you and what you stand for. Use positive words to communicate message; avoid negative words at all costs
10. Smile more, be confident and look powerful. This alone will do you more good than you can imagine in getting what you are looking for by attracting you to it.

Being out of work in a deteriorating economy is no picnic! But, you can make it so by merely changing how you experience it!

Good luck!

Dictionary defines etiquette as conduct or procedure required by good breeding or prescribed by authority in social or official life. With this definition as a guiding principle, etiquette is even more important in a job-search situation than in others because most who are in the “taking” end do not even realize that their behaviors– and even attitudes — are making it hard for those at the “giving” end to be gracious about being considerate. This consideration can range from returning a repeated phone message left on their voice mail, to explaining something that puzzles a potential candidate. Why? Etiquette are the lubrication that makes things move smoothly. Ignoring them can create unnecessary friction and hurt. The reason that knowing the right etiquette is even more important in a job situation is because the state of mind most job seekers are or get into somehow makes them think that being in that state should exempt them from this courtesy. It does not matter if you are out of work looking for a job or if you already have one and looking for another. The level of stress is the same; it may just have a different level of urgency!

Practicing the right etiquette will not only get what you want it will help you position yourself in a differentiated way in the eyes of those who are at the “giving” end! The converse is that if you are clumsy in the etiquette department you may not only lose an opportunity that is yours to claim, you may permanently alienate the potential employer beyond the immediate context! If you are a talented person otherwise, fully qualified to handle the opportunity the company presented, you will always wonder what went sour in your landing the job you so wanted and were so fit for! Ironically, etiquette demands that those who see your boorish behavior in the process keep mum about it!

In a limited space it is impossible to provide a complete guide to job-search etiquette. The flavor of the tips provided here can be used to understand the basic behavioral principles that you can leverage in similar situations. When in doubt, think of the other person, not yourself!

The etiquette varies from situation to situation in the job-search process; however, within a certain situation the etiquette can be considered a norm. The following discussion is presented for many of the steps typical in the job search process:

Responding to Posted Jobs

Posted jobs can be either published in the print media or on the job boards. Jobs posted on company bulletin boards and Websites have the same etiquette considerations:

1. Respond to a posting only if you are a strong candidate. Marginal match of your skill to the competencies posted on the open position is a disservice to the process, even if the résumé is sent electronically. In the era of the Internet, where it costs nothing to post your résumé and takes a few seconds to respond to a position, it is all the more important that you follow this discipline. Merely flooding a Website with a marginal résumé is a best way to ensure that you are making the process difficult to others who may be more qualified than you are!
2. Sending a FedEx package to someone, whose name you found out through research in response to a posted opening and not having the clout in the résumé and the letter to warrant that recipient to compel some action for you. As more and more find out that sending a FedEx — or other courier — package in the hands of a decision maker, can get you an audience, the more and more vigilant the recipients are going to become. If this mode of sending your response is just to hector the recipient with the same trite message that might as well have been sent by the other cheaper means, the impact of the FedEx approach diminishes quickly for all those who rely on it. Ergo, use an appropriate method of sending your package to create an impact commensurate with your message. Do not use a sledgehammer to kill a fly!
3. Do not send a response to a posted opening to everyone in sight. Send it to the recipient named in the posting unless you have a compelling case for sending it to someone higher up for an impact and action that the response deserves. Use your judgment.
4. Do not call immediately to verify receipt of what you sent. Remember the more common the approach to sending what is asked the less your “right” to follow-up. You should not even bother to follow-up a conventional email response to a job posting in a tough market where there is potentially a large number of respondents.
5. Even if the target employer is nearby do not go personally to hand the résumé to someone there. You may be able to leave it in the in-basket at the lobby at best. Unless your response has something compelling, do not waste someone’s time by having them come down to the lobby just so that they have your résumé!
6. Comply with all the requirements of the posted position. Employers do not like it when respondents do not comply with clearly spelled out requirements.
7. Do not send your response in a format, color, or package that may appear to the recipient as off-the-wall, presented just to get their attention. The message must have the same attention-getting power.

Following-up

After sending the response to an opportunity, following up depends on how you responded and what the original opportunity was. If you responded to a job with a résumé and cover letter in a routine way to generic address, you have no recourse to any specific follow up. This is why sending such responses put you at a disadvantage. The following list summarizes etiquettes for following up on what you already sent:

1. If you know the name of the person to whom the response was sent leave a message with details so that the person can easily track your response without having to research it further. For example if you are David Smith– or a similarly common name — don’t just say, “Sally this Dave Smith and I am calling about the résumé I sent about a month ago. Could you please call me and tell me what is the status of that job is?” A more actionable message might be: Hi Sally this is David Smith. About a month back I sent my résumé in connection with your posting for a shipping clerk, job # 22342. I would really appreciate your calling me on 123-555-2212 and leaving me a message about the status of that job. Once again, that number is 123-555-22121 and Thank you!”  Preferably this telephone number should be the same that you used on the résumé! Do not expect to hear if your original response was a routine one and do not keep calling if you did not hear back the first time!
2. If you are calling to follow-up on a courier package you sent in response to a job opening to a person not specified in the posting but to a researched name, or the one sent unsolicited with your own point of view, do not assume that the package is with that person or that the person actually received your package. Look at the delivery signature commonly available for courier deliveries and start with that person. Then sequentially trace the package and see where it might be in the chain. Then call that person.
3. Once you connect with the person who has your package gently explore whether they had a chance to read it. Give them a reason to open the package by saying something intriguing and suggest that you talk later.  Be brief and diplomatic and assess where you need to begin so that the person is obliged to open it and take the next steps¾your original intent behind sending such a message!
4. If the person with whom you connected asks you to call back or suggests that they would call you back at a certain time, give some additional time to reconnect if they fail to call you, so that you do not look overly anxious.
5. If you are navigating through a battery of administrators to get to someone higher up in an organization, treat them with courtesy and respect. They may decide to “disconnect” you if they see you as a pest!
6. Always be thankful for any information you get and any courtesy you are accorded, no matter who that person is at the other end, where you are trying to get in!

Networking

Networking etiquettes are flouted most frequently with unwitting consequences! How? It is perhaps because people are not even aware of the simple slipups that can cascade into a full-blown avoidance by the person at the other end of the network; amity can turn into enmity with a simple oversight, especially if you are looking to the other person to do you a favor! The following tips are a good starting point to adopt proper “netiquettes”:

1. Your successful networking is based on giving more than you take. Always keep track of what is coming your way from your network and make sure that you maintain the balance with the network owing you not the other way around. For example if you get two leads from your network in a week, give three or more back to the same network. Always manage to give in kind!
2. If you want to contact someone based on a tip you got from within your network, make sure that you tell the person you contacted what your relationship is with the one who gave you the contact information. You are not likely to get very far with the person you contacted anyway, if, how you got the name remains a mystery to the person and later on if that person finds out the source, you may have compromised their relationship. Always reveal the source of the referral when making new contact!
3. Make sure you keep the boundaries of your expectations with each person within your network. Do not push these boundaries. Your desperation in getting what you want does not constitute an emergency on the part of the person who is trying to help you! This is why it is a good idea to keep networking a habit in times, good and bad.
4. If your source gives you the name of a hiring manager, do not assume that you can directly contact that manager. Some companies have strict rules about keeping the hiring managers away from the flux of inquiries and persistent calls from interested candidates. Ask the person if it would be appropriate for you to contact the manager or if they are able to present your response to that manager. All things being equal you should prefer the former, as, then, it lets you keep track of what is going on and you eliminate a third person from getting in the way of your future interactions with that manager! If this were to materialize your way, always keep your contact apprised of what is going on by sending a courtesy copy of your exchanges with the manager.
5. In addition to saying ‘thank you’ every time you get help, call once in a while just to thank that person and for no other reason! Also send a thank you note in the Mail. Many consider receiving this a special gesture much more meaningful than just receiving a ‘thank you’ email.
6. Make sure that you keep the boundaries of when and where to call your network contact to get what you are looking for. The only contacts you should consider calling at home and off hours are the Nuclear Contacts of the Networking Hierarchy, Figure 3, Key-4: Networking.
7. If you are using the Internet as a channel of communication within your networking group do not use emails to solicit petitions, send spam, and other messages of commercial import or the ones that promote your personal agenda.
8. Do not assume that those within your networking group share your religious, political, or social beliefs. If you foist them on the group it may retaliate by alienation!
9. Do not assume that if you subscribe to an email group, such as a Yahoo! Group, that your message posted on such a board will be read and heeded by all who receive it. Many routinely ignore such group messages. If you want someone’s’ attention then send at least a personal message to each one!
10. Keep your email messages brief and with a subject line carefully phrased to pique curiosity and get action!

Telephone Calls

Telephone calls are the mainstay of networking communication. And yet, few follow the etiquettes to make this a pleasant experience! The following etiquettes are a summary of some of the key telephone etiquettes:

Incoming calls:

1. Have a businesslike greeting on your voice mail.  Identify yourself and your telephone number in the greeting.
2. With the caller ID a standard feature now, do not install security screens on incoming calls. These filters can be a barrier to callers trying to reach you, including your potential employers. Use voice screening instead, available on most recorded messaging machines.
3. Have a separate line for all your Internet activity. An Internet connection on a line can block it for hours and frustrate those who are trying to reach you, including your potential employers.
4. If a call comes at a time when it is inconvenient for you to take it, explain why and ask if you can call them back at a time that is best for them.
5. If you are angry, upset, or feel that you are not in balance, let the machine take the incoming call.
6. Do not betray your emotions or state of mind to the caller. Telephone calls are notoriously sensitive to the way your tone comes across to the other party. Be very aware of this and manage your emotional state for all calls, incoming and outgoing!

Outgoing calls:

Make outgoing calls at a time that does not impose on the called party. Typically these times are on a weekday: 9:00 AM to 10:00 PM (9:00 PM is preferred) for calls made to a home, and during regular business hours for all business calls; weekends 10 AM to 6 PM for all home calls. Avoid dinner or lunch hours even for home calling. The only exceptions may be those within your Nuclear Contact list (See Figure-3, Networking Universe, Key-4)

1. If you are calling someone on their cell phone, ask if they can talk or politely ask where they are so that if they are driving you may want to ask them for a more convenient time to for that call.
2. When the called person answers your call, immediately identify yourself fully–and not by merely saying “Hi this is Dave–so that you can engage in a conversation without the called person having to wonder “which Dave is this?” and losing time in engaging with you right away. Also do not assume that even though they have answered the call that they are free to talk to you then; they may be in the middle of something important.
3. If you called someone and the line gets disconnected, no matter what the reason, caller reinitiates the call. The called person waits for the phone to ring again for a few minutes otherwise they will go about their business.
4. Do not discuss sensitive, gossipy, or personally offensive, or insinuating information on the phone. If you want to give some adverse feedback to the person over the phone ask them to meet you and do it in person. Likewise, do not leave messages of similar nature on someone’s voicemail.
5. Keep your calls brief and to the point.

Interviews

Interview etiquettes range from how you appear for the interview to what to do with your briefcase when you are ready to sit down prior to the interview, to how you leave the lobby on your way out! The following is a suggested listing of etiquette that govern these behaviors:

1. Be on time for the interview. In fact the guideline is to arrive at least 30 minutes prior to the interview and get settled. The details are in Key-5: At the Interview.
2. Dress appropriately for the interview: dress up and not down. You can always remove on or more pieces of your clothing and carry with you if you suddenly feel that you’re overdressed!
3. Dress conservatively. If you need help visit a clothing store that specializes in business attire and seek advice of floor personnel. Do not plan to make a statement with your clothes; you may not get past it. Do not let your clothes enter the door before you do!
4. Introduce yourself to the receptionist and state why you are there, whom you are going to see and when. Mention that you are early and not to announce you quite yet. Make friends with this person by holding a casual conversation. Do not demand a beverage or any other service from this person. They have job to do¾typically answering phone calls, and greeting visitors.
5. Do not make any adverse comments about the parking facilities, temperature in the room, coffee (too strong!) or any thing else to the receptionist (Lobby Ambassador). You really do not know how this person is connected. In one instance a candidate made an off the cuff disparaging comment about the person who might be running the company at which he was interviewing, not realizing that the receptionist was CEO’s daughter doing a summer internship there!
6. When your time comes to have you be announced to the host or the interviewer do not assume that the receptionist would remember this since the time you checked in. A variety of duties in which they are engaged can easily distract them from your needs. If that person is on the phone for a while, wait patiently even though your time to be calling your contact is well past and you cannot get this person’s attention. If appropriate hand the person a note politely and unobtrusively.
7. If you spill something in the lobby as you wait for your time, clean up, even if the receptionist does not see the spill. Often, these people and others who causally come in contact with you are asked to report their impressions of you for critical positions.
8. When the interviewer or their representative comes to greet you, be cordial even if they have kept you waiting. Do not suggest their lateness by looking at your wristwatch. Smile and shake hands. Let them lead you to the place where the interview is going to take place. Practice some icebreakers with this person on the way to the interview.
9. At the place of the interview, asked to be seated and then sit down comfortably where you can put your briefcase or other interview paraphernalia. Place it down on the floor and not on the desk or table in front of you!
10. Do not interrupt the interviewer. Do not argue even if you know that the interviewer is wrong!
11. Take notes on a note pad and not on a laptop or a handheld device close to your face!
12. Do not ask any questions about the company’s woes to the interviewer, the answers to which may put that person in a compromising light. You are also likely to compromise your chances of getting in. Once a client, while being interviewed by a company’s CEO asked him about the SEC investigation that was announced in the media the morning of her interview. After several rounds of successful interviews she was a shoo-in. This question put off the CEO and the process died in its tracks!
13. When the interview is over get up, organize your belongings and quickly get ready to leave the area with the person escorting you out. Do not stretch their patience as you carefully organize your many belongings if they became disheveled during the interview. Do that later on your own
14. Shake hands and thank the person for their time and ask for what the next steps are and a timeline. Do not get overly obsessive about timelines, accountability about the follow-up. Do this somewhat naturally by practicing it before the interview.
15. On the way out thank the receptionist for taking good care of you and ask the person their name!

Thank-you! Notes

Thank you! notes following an interview are critical to making them remember you. They can also be used to recover from something that might have gone wrong during the interview. Mailed Thank You notes are more formal and memorable than emails. Do both for interviews that matter. Samples of Thank you email and notes are shown in Key-5.

References

Etiquettes where references are concerned vary depending on the level of the reference. Although they all deserve to be treated with consideration and courtesy, those who offer to give you high-level reference need to be treated with special care and you should let them know that!

The following etiquette guide may help you finesse your references well:

1. Identify your references early in the process. Let them know that you are planning to include them in the reference process. Remind them about the aspect of your reference you expect them to provide.
2. Some companies have a policy of not providing a reference. Many managers, however, are willing to provide a personal reference. This is why asking early in the process can help you position your references so that there are no surprise.
3. Occasionally some will agree to give you a written reference. If this happens while you are in the job associated with this person it is that much more convenient. In any case if the person agrees to a written reference, write the reference letter yourself and pass it by the person. This way you can decide what is appropriate from that reference in the context of your needs. Do not assume that that person will reference you the way you need it. Usually, it is much easier for anyone to merely edit a letter and sign it than having the need to draft it first. Use this advantage to modulate the message the way you want it written–within some constraints.
4. Carry these letters of reference in your interview portfolio and when the time comes for the reference discussion show the person asking the question. Sometimes this may obviate the need to calling your reference and hasten the process to your advantage.
5. When the potential employer asks for them, call your references, even though you had put them on notice earlier. The reason is that for final referencing, you may need to remind them again and it also gives you a chance to prepare them to respond in line with what the needs are to bolster your case. Request the reference to highlight that aspect of the discussion that you think is relevant.
6. If appropriate, request that they call you upon being contacted by the potential employer. This is a courtesy to you and this helps you confirm that the process is underway. Do not expect this courtesy from all references.
7. Once you know that the process is complete, either through the offer made, or rejection, or any other means, promptly call each of the references or send a note (email acceptable) of thanks. If the offer is made, going the extra distance–a Thank you! Card, flowers, or a gift as appropriate, can protect your references for your future needs.
8. During the referencing process check with the contact to whom you gave the reference list to see if there are any problems contacting the references. It is appropriate for the references to call that person as well, if you so chose.
9. It is not appropriate to call and ask the potential employer what the references said about you, especially if you are turned down for the job.
10. If you are turned down, it a good idea to ask for a debrief from the company that was interested in you. This, again, is a courtesy that the company is extending to you. If the debrief mentions any items related to a reference that surprises you do not probe for details unless they are volunteered as a part of the debrief.
11. After you confirm that the process is completed, call all your references and inform them that the process is complete. Tell them the outcome if you already know it and thank them for being your reference. Some of them may not have been called and they should know that they are now off the hook! You must promptly communicate with all your references and thank them even if you did not get the job!

Negotiating Offers

Much of the process during this step is outlined in the section on negotiations. The following is a summary of etiquettes during this step:

1. Do not assume that you can negotiate what is being offered. Ask.
2. Always go back to last person who made the offer and not necessarily your hiring manager.
3. Do not assume that just because you are in negotiations that you will get what you are seeking. The offer can be withdrawn if he employer so decides.
4. Tread lightly. You should decide before entering into negotiations the down side. You should be willing to walk away if the negotiations take that route.
5. After you have been turned down and your offer is withdrawn, do not go back begging for the same or lesser job for a lower pay!
6. Decide on which items you want to negotiate, lay them out as you enter the discussions and then stop after the process is completed. If the outcome is not favorable, do not plan to move on to other items of your offer.
7. Above all be pleasant, flexible, and courteous throughout the process. Always remind them that you are excited about the job.

Acknowledging Help

During your job search many provide help, even unbeknownst to you or some even unexpectedly and pleasantly! Keep a list of all those who have helped you, going all the way back to the original lead that got you the first interview. The following etiquette lists what you can do after the process is completed:

1. Depending upon the significance of the help you received from a person thank them appropriately. Those who provided help above and beyond acknowledge it commensurately: a gift, lunch, Thank you! Card can be some suggestions in this department.
2. Acknowledge your gratitude in a timely way. The times following a job offer can be hectic. Within the first month of your being offered the job is a good time.
3. Be specific about acknowledging the help that got you the job. Merely stating a vacant “Thanks for your help” is not as impactful and proper as saying “John your lead and the insight you gave me about where the company was and what I could present them during my interviews was instrumental in my landing this job. Thank you very much!” is far more appropriate. The person who went out of their way to help you likes to know that you acknowledged correctly what that person did to help you in the process. Do not skip this detail because you feel that the person already should know. It is not what they know it is how you acknowledge it that makes for the proper etiquette!
4. Do not forget to thank all those with whom you came in contact during the interview process at the company where you would be working. They are now your colleagues and associates. Even the person in the lobby who greeted you on the first interview is worth sending a thank you to! If you do that it would be much easier to make them your friends once you start working there!

Starting your New Job

Starting a new job can be exciting, especially if you are coming out of being jobless. The following etiquette is suggested at this step of the process of your transition:

1. On the first day show up on time. Dressed a bit more formally than you would normally at that company. You may be taken around and introduced to others that day; your photo might be taken. If you are senior staff (Director and above), you might even be introduced to important clients and dignitaries!
2. During the initial stages of employment be patient with all the administrative work that has to be done properly. Do not show your impatience with those who are trying to get this done. Let them do their job!
3. Express to your manager that you are glad to be on board and that you are looking forward to teaming with this person.
4. Many companies have initiation traditions that can be as benign as going out to lunches or bars at the end of the day. Accommodate these rituals, even if they seem odd, and enjoy them.
5. If you have some habits that define how you do your job, be open to seeing how things are done at your new place.
6. Do not criticize something just because it looks odd or different to you. Wait to offer your opinion. Go with the flow, at least initially.
7. Do not to gossip and talk behind someone’s back. Understand the power structure in the new place before you decide which camp you want to belong to! This can portend your future there!
8. One week after you have started in your new job, visit all the job boards and Websites where you had originally posted your résumé and delete it!

During the Holidays

Holidays are a great time to be showing appreciation to others and showing it in a memorable way. It is also a good time to reconnect or otherwise show that you care about the relationships. Recruiters, references, counselors, network contacts are among those who need to be shown gratitude in a fit way. This ranges from sending Holiday cards to special gift baskets and mementos with notes that express your gratitude for what they have done and what they might do for you. Use the following guidelines:

1. Make a list and segment it by how much each person in a category has done to advance your cause. Even though someone has not yet helped you much, but who might help in an impending opportunity, list them in the correct category so that the person remembers you.
2. Send a personal note or greetings with a specific message of gratitude and not a generic one. The more specific you craft a message and the more specifically you acknowledge the person, the more impact the note carries.
3. If you are on a budget as those out-of-work might be, create your own gifts as baskets of goodies or a work of art that is presentable. Wrap it nicely and present it elegantly so that it looks thoughtful and expensive.
4. If you do not receive an acknowledgement do not call to find out if they received your gift. Send a subsequent note and mention that you hope that they received the gift you had sent them. A note or email wishing them a Happy New Year is a good opportunity to do this. If they still do not acknowledge, move on.
5. If convenient and appropriate, take those who have done things for you to lunch during the Holiday period. This is yet another way to make them remember you.

Where possible hand-carry your gift, present it in person, and show your gratitude.

As up-and-coming managers seek increasingly higher titles and responsibilities in their ongoing career growth, how they present their value proposition to the prospect employer becomes increasingly important. A resume is your proxy in a job search, and, regardless of how your connections help you get in to see the decision makers, it is your resume that establishes your credentials. True, a senior executive can bring you in because someone has recommended you or that they know you personally. Nevertheless, once you walk away from that encounter your resume that you leave behind is what is circulated for further review and actions. If it does not project the right message, you may not be able to sustain the welcome that was accorded by those whom you knew!

So, what makes the message on an executive resume stand out and what projects that je ne sais quoi that everyone is looking for? Well, the answer is simple, and, yet, it is elusive for most.

One thing for sure that is a “maker” in an executive resume is the progression of responsibilities and accomplishments in the specific area of your expertise. For example, if you want to be a senior executive at a retail conglomerate, you must show progressively greater span of responsibilities and accomplishments in the retail space. At very senior levels, e.g., CEO, this matters less. But, for most senor executives specific vertical experience in an industry is central to moving ahead.

The “breaker,” then, is the inability to build consensus and relationships across broad constituencies. A single ‘breaker” can negate many “makers’ for moving ahead in an executive selection process. One major breaker for senior executives is their “soft skills.”

So, what are soft skills?

Soft skills is a phrase that some HR person concocted in the late ‘70s to describe attributes that round out leadership skills of those who are otherwise technically very proficient (It is probably the same person who came up with the word empowerment, a little later!). Most leaders (managers and executives) grow in their careers by parlaying their technical expertise in an area into becoming a people manager. Here, technical implies the subject matter in which they are an expert (SME). SMEs can be in any field, not just in  technology, as is often mistakenly perceived. You can be an SME in corporate law, forensic testing, or a language, etc. As they grow in this role as an SME, they realize that the skills that they practiced to be a top technical contributor are very different from the ones that make them a top manager. To be a good leader and a manager of resources you must learn how to inspire others to achieve results. In its original framing, whoever conceived the idea of soft skills envisioned them as a disparate layer of attributes that round out one’s leadership capabilities. Although this may be true to certain extent, a true leader accomplishes what they set out to do by integrating their technical and soft skills in an intertwined way. They are not separable. If you try too hard to portray your soft skills (through affect), especially during the screening process, you can undermine your leadership force and come across as a weak leader.

What are some of the soft skills that are important in a leader’s role and as a manager? The following list may provide a glimpse:

1. Quickly grasping the gravity of a situation (also known as lateral thinking)
2. Being a visionary
3. Leading/Inspiring teams
4. Crisis management
5. Public speaking
6. Being approachable
7. Having composure
8. Ethics and values
9. Respect for other
10. Empathy
11. Integrity
12. Listening skills
13. Conflict management
14. Morale building
15. Decision-making
16. Critical thinking

Although this is not an exhaustive list of soft skills, they represent a good sampling.

In a resume it may be fatuous for you to present yourself as a “Highly ethical and moral leader with great conflict-management and decision-making skills who respects others and treats them as true equals regardless of their age, sex, race, and accent.” However, it may be entirely apt to tell several stories that reflect leadership achievements, which would not be possible without these soft skills and which are anchored to your Unique Skills.

For example, this resume bullet tells a great deal about a leader who can deliver: Was recruited to turn around a foundering project with key team members leaving and the customer threatening legal action. Discovered that the original project was ill conceived, without specific deliverables. Met with the customer and redefined project, re-scoped entire effort, regrouped team, and led the new effort to completion, exceeding customer expectations.

Such a bullet, although a bit longer than its traditional counterpart, (Delivered a critical project on time), speaks volumes about a leader’s true capabilities: hard skills, soft skills, political skills, and each of the 16 listed items above and then some, when anchored to a Unique Skill(s) and placed on a resume! Traditional resume writers exhort their clients to write about their soft skills because they do not know how to present their clients’ leadership stories that embody their entire suite of valuable skills. In such cases, a listing of mere “soft skills” looks almost gratuitous and inapt.

To continue the above illustration, a relevant Unique Skill can be Inspire Teams: Re-ignite demoralized and dysfunctional teams by providing hands-on leadership and establishing accountabilities. Build new teams from the ground-up and inspire them to achieve unprecedented outcomes.

So, what is the take away from this article? If you are positioning yourself as an executive through your resume, make sure that you have a good assortment of stories that provide a glimpse into your leadership window from different perspectives and that capture different aspects of your hard and soft skills. Writing such stories in a concise, compelling, and intriguing way, of course, requires a skill that is worth developing.